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María tells us about her experiences in her first solo bikepacking weekend. The mental process to jump to it, her fears, and the reinforced values after being able to do it. Congratulations!
What if…? Shit! I’m gonna do it!
Once the idea had appeared in my mind and I’d noticed in my stomach those sensations when something scares you, I had to make the decision to do it.
There’s not turning back. I don’t usually listen to those thoughts around my mind when I think about leaving my confort zone:
«What need do you have to do it?»
«Are you really going to do it alone?»
«Don’t you think that something could happen to you?»
«You’re too scared and insecure to do something like that»
I’m not really sure how, but I’ve learned to ignore them completely. They are no longer part of me. However, almost automatically (and that has taken years of training, you can be sure…) these other thoughts began to appear:
«You know you can do it, no excuses»
«Why not? It could be a funny adventure!»
«Doing something uncomfortable is ok, once I do it for the first time, all that fear (completely irrational) will disappear and also you will feel proud of doing it»
Going bikepacking this weekend by my own, riding a route that I don’t control 100%, managing the GPS (I didn’t know how to use it some months ago), being self-sufficient to camp and stay the night, alone, in my tent… those were things I couldn’t even imagine… Or maybe yes, but I didn’t get it because those negative thoughts were winning all the time?
I’ve done this dozens of times, but always accompanied. The main difference doing it by my own is that I have to manage-myself and make my own decisions.
«When should I rest?»
«And what about eating?»
«Should I stop in this village or in the next one?»
«Where could I pitch my tent?»
«One cloud is coming, better if I pitch the tent now…»
«Do I go for a walk or do I read a book inside?»
«What can I have for dinner, salad and sandwich? Or better I leave the sandwich for tomorrow just in case I can’t find an open bar?»
Actually… if I think about it… it’s not that bad to decide by myself what and how to do it!
Actually… if I think about it… I like the concept: I, MYSELF, MAKE MY OWN DECISIONS.
Doesn’t it give me more EMPOWERMENT? As a person, as a woman.
Doesn’t it help me to be more confident, more self-sufficient?
Shit! I hate storms!
I take a breath.
Isn’t it part of the adventure?
I give thanks.
I’m going to read my book.
May this post serve as a tribute to her. The real culprit of the existence of MontañasVacías. Thanks to her everything came up. Thanks to her everything took shape. Thanks to her, it went from being one more madness in my head to a madness that really exists. She had to «swallow» all of the kilometres of the route, and also all those finally discarded. Thanks a lot!!